"Man wolle nicht scheinen was man nicht ist." ― Arthur Schopenhauer
Every individual on this planet has thoughts that can never be verbalised. The unspoken shrouding of taboo or the risk of social suicide concomitant with spilling certain views.
I encounter people that I would regard close and often find myself biting back what I can only describe as water downed hatred for them, be it their irking nature or subconscious actions.
I’ve found that certain individuals have been so immensely influenced by me (enjoyment of media, food, fuck even their personal style and attraction to people), yet once they’ve obtained all that they need to be satiated, I’m either thrown aside, or replaced by others.
It’s really pathetic when you’re loyal to those around you, they consign you to oblivion then plead oblivious nature to only come back months later apologising, feigning “realisation” of how neglecting they were, how they manifest something they swore they never would.
There is justification in the idea that people change, priorities change.
Yet it’s sickening how those you depend on comfort during a period of vulnerability (following physical trauma), so accurately choose that moment to desert you.
months of scarce mutually dis-interested communication is followed by sudden (oh so fucking sudden!!) realisation as to how you were treated and they apologise. You’re pathetic enough to bite your tongue at their justifications of “oh but I know you’ll always be there for me”.
Yes, that’s what I am your fucking school days diary to run back to when no one else is there.
I question myself again though because I know that once their circumstances favour them again things will just go back to the awkward small talk and replacing.
I really wonder if a relationship like this is salvageable.